self care in the new year
by Elise Schuster, MPH - Co-Founder and Executive Director of OkaySo
Every new year I feel like I’m bombarded with what I like to call “Productivity Trolls” - you’ve seen them too. They have instagram posts or articles with headlines like: “Five things really successful people do every morning”.
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You’ll know you’re reading a productivity troll article when at the end of it instead of feeling inspired and empowered, you feel bad about yourself.
If you’re feeling a lot of pressure to meet a certain definition of success, you are not alone. We get messages from our family, our friends or classmates, and from articles like these, that tell us we should have reached a certain milestone by now, or really should be taking this class or doing this extracurricular or worrying about college or have our career all planned out or be making a certain amount of money, or…. the list goes on.
Without us even realizing it, it’s very easy to take these messages and turn them into our own internal judge. That internal judge is often far more cruel to us than anyone in our lives might be, and all of the “new year, new you” articles only give that inner judge more strength.
I’m not against setting goals and dreaming big, but all of that planning has to happen within this truth: there is no “one path” to follow. There are as many ways to live a life as there are people on this planet. Our calling as humans is not to reach someone else’s definition of success. Instead, the work of our lives is to figure out who we are, authentically, and live that life.
“But how?” You might be asking. Here are some ideas for getting in touch with you and beginning to live from that place:
Question your expectations: start to unpack the “I shoulds” and “I have tos” in your life. Where did those ideas come from? Who told you? Are they actually true? What if you did something different?
Listen to yourself: Pay attention to your body and your emotions when you’re at school, at work, at home, in new situations, with friends, etc. What makes you feel calm, excited, lighter? What makes you feel anxious, shut down, burdened? See if you can find any patterns.
Determine your values: you know how companies often have their mission and values written down? Do the same for you! What are the things you want to prioritize in your life? Then, when you have a decision to make you can ask yourself “how does this fit with my values?”
Work on boundaries: when you step into living authentically as yourself, it might mean you’re no longer following the path other people in your life think is “best” for you and they’re going to have feelings about that. Take some time to figure out how you want to interact with those people and what boundaries you need to set.
Practice self compassion: above all, love yourself! You are wonderful, just as you are and deserve all happiness, grace, compassion, care, and good things.
If this is a journey you’re on, don’t forget, you aren’t alone. Our experts are here to help without judgement.
Keep reading:
Self- compassion: what do we do instead?
Self- compassion: what is it, actually?
Self- compassion: how to cultivate more compassion for ourselves