self-compassion: how to cultivate more compassion for ourselves

This is the third and final part of our series on self compassion. Part 1 on what we do instead of self compassion is here. If you want to know more about what self-compassion is, part 2 is here.

If you’d like to increase your self-compassion, here are a few things you can try:

Tip 1. 

Practice talking to yourself like you’d speak to a friend. 

What might you say or do for them when they’re having a hard time in the same way that you are? Practice talking to yourself using the same level of understanding, kind words, and caring tone. If your inner critic starts to argue with you, keep the same tone while talking to them too. You can try something like “I know you want to help and think this is the best way to make it better, I’m trying a new way that will be even better so please just trust me for a bit.”

Tip 2. 

Look out for comparison and competition.

We’ve been taught that these are great ways to measure how we’re doing but they can also bring a lot of stress and insecurity. Exploring your personal values can be a really helpful alternative tool for self-reflection. What qualities or things are most important to who you want to be or the life you want to live? Is the life you are currently maintaining and working towards aligned with those? Any adjustments you’d like to make? How are you celebrating what’s going well?

Tip 3.

Make self-care a regular part of your life.  

It can be really easy to fall into a pattern where you hustle, hustle, hustle and then only take a break when you’re exhausted and totally unhappy. Instead, think about ways to self-care a part of your day to day habits. There are TONS of easily googled guides for different self-care practices. Here’s a great example to get you started. Not sure where to even begin? Try taking several deep breaths while putting one or both hands over your heart. Touch and deep breaths can help soothe our bodies and minds.

Tip 4.

Know that you deserve help.

If you’re having a hard time and notice that it is either going on for a while or it is intense/becoming more intense, part of your self-compassionate approach might be to seek professional support. Speaking with your doctor or insurance company can be a great start. You can also look at directories (Psychology Today is a very popular one) or reach out to local non-profits or community mental health clinics or outpatient centers for low or no cost options for services.

We hope that helps! If you’re working on self-compassion and you want to chat more about it, you can always download OkaySo and ask our experts. We’re here for you.

Jess Trane, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and a volunteer expert on OkaySo.