self-compassion: what do we do instead?

Jess Trane, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and a volunteer expert on OkaySo.

Welcome to the first in a three part series on self-compassion. In this series we’ll be talking about what we do instead of self-compassion, what self-compassion is, and how we can practice it in our every day lives.

So first, up: what are the other things we commonly do instead of self-compassion?

Ignore It: A classic option. This can get us through the day or carry us through a stretch of time, but usually this can only last for so long and it’s possible the feelings will be even more intense when they finally get to the surface. 

Self-criticism: This can work sometimes because reflecting on areas where we can improve can encourage us to grow, but… engaging in it too heavily can leave us deflated and defeated.

Self-esteem: This can be helpful in boosting our spirits but can have a dark side, especially if we get there by comparing ourselves to others and try to boost ourselves up by framing them as less than us. 

With any of these approaches, our society and culture can make everything even more intense by encouraging competition, discouraging talking about feelings, and holding people of different identities to different standards and stereotypes.  

You might be asking yourself, is there another way then? Yes! Check out part 2.

Keep reading:

How to cultivate more self compassion (Part 3!)