self-compassion: what is it, actually?

In case you missed part 1 on what we do instead of self compassion, you can read it here!

So, what is self-compassion, really??

Dr. Kristin Neff is a leading researcher on this topic and she defines self-compassion with three parts: 

The first is practicing self-kindness rather than self-judgment - meaning that you recognize your pain and treat yourself gently instead of trying to ignore that you’re hurt or dismiss your own feelings. 

Second is noticing our common humanity rather than falling into isolation. Recognizing that mistakes, troubles, and pain are something that happen to everyone helps us feel connected and normal instead of lost and alone. 

The final part is engaging in mindfulness rather than over-identification. This means recognizing that you’re feeling something rather than saying that you are something. It’s the difference between “Wow I feel like crap right now” and “wow, I’m really crappy.” 

Research has found that practicing self-compassion has been linked to stronger relationships, better body image, better mental and physical health, increased responsibility and accountability, and higher levels of motivation. 

Check out part 3 for tips on how to increase your self-compassion.

Jess Trane, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and a volunteer expert on OkaySo.