how do i have sex? / what is sex?
by Elise Schuster, MPH - Co-Founder and Executive Director of OkaySo
Often when people ask this question they are thinking about what our culture most commonly defines as sex, which is penis-in-vagina sex, or intercourse, or penetration. This is when one person inserts their penis into the other person’s vagina. There are lots of other things involved with sex, however so we’ll talk about a few of those here.
The first step for any kind of sex is having a partner who also wants to do stuff! It’s important to be able to talk with your partner to see how they’re feeling about sex and to decide what you both want to do. The movies don’t really show this but it’s a really important part of sex.
The next component of sex is arousal. That’s when both our bodies and minds are feeling excited and turned on. The body has different responses to arousal which can include penises getting erect and vaginas getting wet and everything feeling really good.
There are SO many ways to have fun and experience pleasure during sex: kissing, rubbing bodies together, touching the clitoris with fingers or tongues, touching the penis with hands or mouths, etc.
The parts of our bodies that feel really good often like a motion that goes back and forth or in and out and keeps doing that, so experiment with different types of motions and pay attention to your partner to see what they’re enjoying.
Penetration itself feels better if both people are aroused and involved. We often think of penetration as putting a penis in a vagina, however fingers and sex toys can also be inserted and things can also be inserted into the ass.
Often penetration continues until the pleasurable sensations reach a peak or until someone wants to stop.
It’s important to remember that sex is much more than just penetration to orgasm. It’s ALL of the things involved with being intimate with someone else, experiencing pleasure, and exploring.
Keep reading:
How do I know if I’m ready to have sex?
How do you know if you’re having an orgasm?
