how do i know if i’m ready to have sex?
by Elise Schuster, MPH - Co-Founder and Executive Director of OkaySo
Phew – that’s a big question! The decision to become sexually active, especially for the first time, can feel huge.
Some people have no hesitations about deciding when they will have sex either for the first time ever, or the first time with a new partner. But, lots of us have doubts. So, if you find that you are unsure about your readiness, that’s completely ok.
The decision to have sex or not can depend on you or your partner’s mood, your physical and emotional environment, and many other factors. You make the rules. Don’t be afraid to speak up!
Be honest with yourself and your partner about what feels right for you. And although having sex for the first time might seem like the most important decision you ever make about sex, you actually need to figure out if you’re ready each time you’re in a sexual situation.
Be it your first time ever, first time with a new partner, or any time, this is a decision that only you can make for yourself.
To figure out if you are ready, here’s a check list of things to think through:
Do you want to have sex right now and with this person? That may seem like a simple question, but checking in with your personal values, emotions, and your gut instinct is really important. And ideally you would have time to really consider these factors before you’re in the heat of the moment. But if at any time you don’t want to have sex, it’s ok; you don’t have to.
Can you tell your partner “Yes,” “No,” “Not right now,” “Harder,” or “A little to the left”? If you’re not comfortable talking to your partner about these things, you are probably not ready to have sex with them. For communication tips (touch here).
Are you prepared to practice safer sex? While it’s true that sex can be something fun and wonderful that you share with your partner(s), it comes along with the risk of sexually transmitted infections as well as the risk of unintended pregnancy (if you’re having sex with a penis and a vagina). Before you’re sexually active, you’ll want to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page about how you want to practice safer sex.
Do you feel like your partner is pressuring you into having sex? Are you feeling social pressures to have sex because you’ve reached a certain age, been on a certain number of dates, or feel like all of your peers are already sexually active? While it takes (at least) two to tango, both people have to feel willing and ready to go for it. Only have sex when both you and your partner feel good about it.
If you answer to any of these questions was no, then you probably aren’t ready to have sex. If your answers to all of them were yes, you still might not be ready! Deciding whether or not you’re ready is ultimately entirely up to you.
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