navigating youth emotions: a simple way to help young people feel heard
By Elise Schuster, MPH, Co-Founder of OkaySo
If you work with young people in tutoring, mentoring, or workforce programs, you’ve almost definitely been there: a young person is angry, shut down, or on the verge of tears—and you’re scrambling for the “right” thing to say.
Most of us want to help, fast. But the way we respond in those moments can either build trust or quietly shut it down.
At OkaySo, we train staff to be safe spaces for young people. One of the most effective tools we use is simple, everyday empathy.
why jumping to solutions doesn’t always help
When a young person is upset, many of us go straight to:
“It’s going to be okay.”
“Try not to think about it.”
“Here’s what you should do…”
We’re trying to fix the problem or make the feelings go away—often because we’re uncomfortable, busy, or worried we won’t know what to do if we really “go there.”
But when we skip over their feelings:
Young people can feel minimized (“You’re not listening.”)
Anger can escalate.
Or they shut down and stop sharing.
Empathy offers another option: instead of rushing past the emotion, we sit with it for a moment so young people feel seen.
what empathy looks like in practice
Empathy isn’t agreeing with everything a young person does. It’s recognizing that their feelings are real, even if you don’t love the behavior.
You can hold both:
“It makes sense that you’re furious about this,” and
“It’s not okay to hurt someone when you’re furious.”
One simple way to think about practicing empathy:
1. check in with yourself
Before you respond, notice what’s happening in you. Are you stressed, annoyed, or in a rush?
Take one deep breath. That tiny pause helps you respond from calm instead of from panic or frustration.
2. wonder what they might be feeling
Look under the behavior for the feeling:
Yelling → maybe fear or embarrassment
Silence → maybe sadness or anxiety
You don’t have to be perfect here. You’re just getting curious.
3. offer a short, empathetic statement
When emotions are high, long explanations don’t land. Try something simple like:
“That sounds really hard.”
“I can imagine that was really embarrassing.”
“You have every right to be upset about this.”
“Anyone in your shoes might feel the same.”
If you “get it wrong” and they correct you—great. You’ve just learned more about what’s really going on.
a quick practice you can try this week
Think about one young person who often shows big feelings—anger, frustration, or shut-down.
Next time something comes up:
Pause and notice your own reaction.
Silently name one feeling they might be having.
Try one simple empathetic statement and let it land before offering advice.
These tiny shifts can make your program feel safer and more supportive—without adding more to your staff’s plates.
want to go deeper with your team?
This post pulls just a few basics from our “Navigating Youth Emotions” training, where we:
Practice empathy with real-world youth scenarios
Explore what not to say when emotions are high
Share tools staff can use to keep building these skills over time
OkaySo is a national nonprofit that provides online, on-demand trainings to help staff become the safe spaces young people need. If you’d like to explore bringing this training to your organization, you can reach out through our partner form or email us to get started.